When Good Kids Play the Bad Guy
Power play helps kids feel in control of their world.
It can be unsettling to see your 4-year-old bite his cookie into the shape of a gun, point it into the air, and shout, "Pow! Pow!" But "good guy versus bad guy" play is a natural part of your child's social and moral growth. Indeed, it's common for dramatic play to center around themes of good and bad, friends and enemies, power and vulnerability, particularly as young children work to learn the difference between right and wrong, to understand rules, and to control their impulses. Power play helps them make sense of these confusing issues and gain a better understanding of themselves and their place in the world.
When your child acts out good and bad roles, he is actually trying on power from both perspectives: the frightening negative aspects of the bad guy and the heartening positive aspects of the good guy. He can actively gain control over the things that frighten him by experiencing both sides of the power play equation.
· Limit exposure to violent images.
When your child does see a movie or TV show with
aggressive action, talk about what is happening and even how it was created.
Sometimes a visit to the movie's Web site will show that people made the
animation for entertainment.
· Stress peaceful problem-solving.
Say, "In our house, we talk about our problems; we
don't fight them out with guns." Ask a question: "If the good guys
lost their weapons and couldn't fight, how could they still win?"
· Provide alternative outlets for expression.
Clay is excellent for pounding
away anger. Or you can paint or put on music and dance it out! A run together
around the block can also do the trick. You will be saying that it's okay to be
angry, but it is not okay to hurt yourself or others.
· Get involved in your child's playtime, if he is willing.
This will give you firsthand
experience of his viewpoint and an opportunity to discuss his hopes and
concerns.
· Encourage your child to verbalize his feelings.
Take a quiet moment (not during
play) to talk about what you observed in his play and invite him to share his
feelings. You might say, "When I see you make an explosion with your toys,
I wonder what you are feeling. It's okay to have angry or frustrated feelings,
and it helps to talk about them."
· Highlight what it means to be a friend.
Talk about accepting differences in others. Ask: If your friend plays the bad guy, does that mean he is bad? Encourage ending the games as friends.
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